Forever & always

that's what you promised. You say you "want" to be with me but you "can't." Now I just don't believe that. Can you just decide what you want and stop leaving me here hanging? Am I just supposed to sit around and wait for you forever? Our situation is worse than ever, yet you say we're not over. News flash: we've been over. That's what I hate. Through all of the bullshit and pain, all i want is you. Don't ask me why, because i don't even know anymore. I'm constantly hurt more than happy. If this is, then why do I stick around? Because i love you. FUCK LOVE. Sometimes I wish I was a robot or something of the nature. to be numb sounds sooo nice. Not to have to cry every night over the pain you put me through, yet somehow still love you. God, would that be nice. I wish I could just find someone who could take your place, to love me & make me happier than ever. But i know that will never be because I can't get over you no matter how bad i know i should. You were my first love, my first everything. I wanted you & only you forever, and i still do to this day. Why? that's the question i ask myself so frequently. I don't even know anymore. I just know i do.